The Alaskan Stache Clash

Partial Beards hold Senate

2009-06-01T16:59:00.000-07:00

So, next we began the partial beard category. And wouldn't you know it, Musketeers were up first. Now, I didn't get to take many pictures of this since I was up there, but Mom got this video of all of us waiting that pretty much sums up the competition.

Here's one of me up on stage. The guy next to me has a mohawk under that ginormous hat and he's from San Francisco.

It was quite a fun time being up on stage. Nerve-racking standing next to all these guys, but fun none the less. They parade you up and make you do a lap in front of the judges and then take you five at a time in front of the judges for better judging. The main thing is that behind the judges there's probably about 50 video cameras and flash bulbs going off like crazy. More parading and standing and posing and you're off-stage. A great 10 minutes of my life.

Juergen from Germany took first place and Frazer took second (Frazer got first last time and Juergen got second), and Reinhold from Germany got third.

After the awards were given out, Frazer and I were talking in the beer line and he said it was great to win again, but he was really hoping that one of the young guys would've placed. A true gentleman to the end. This is also the same time when Mom looked over and he was tugging on one side of my moustache and comparing it to his own...

Next up was the Fu Manchu. Now I think Sid should enter this category mostly because there were only two competitors, neither of which were Asian! They still rocked it though.
Ted won first place again (this is the same guy from the picnic who had his moustache all twirled up and was looking like an old British detective and had one eye of his glasses darker than the other) and Detleff was awarded second. Ted defends his Fu Manchu championship once again.

Next came the natural goatees. Basically, you just let it grow and shape it, but no product allowed. Really impressive stuff here.
This is the lead singer of the Beards and the man behind such songs as "If Your Dad Doesn't Have a Beard, You've Got Two Moms" and "A Wizard Needs a Beard."
That's Pat from Seattle. He and his buddy own a bar and decided to come up and try out their luck. They used to cavort around the L.A. area and we chatted about that a lot during the parade. He really liked doing that finger shooting thing as proven by the pictures above and below this caption.There was a tie for first place and the judges had to have another beard-off between little Grandpa man (his name's actually Breman, but little Grandpa man is much catchier) and Paul Beisser from Santa Cruz. Paul won out, but there was tons of crowd support for little Grandpa man.
I took a small break from beard watching to get beer and here's a picture of my beer with beards. This also made me miss out on a few competitors in the Imperial Partial Beard category.
The Imperial Partial beard category wasn't that popular with Americans and I don't believe that I actually met any of these people, but crazy respect for that cheek hair.

A new category this year was Alaskan Whaler, which is pretty much a nice full beard, sans lip hair. It proved to be a popular choice (probably because we were actually in Alaska).
Here's our token monk... with Adidas on. At least they match his robe. I saw him later at a bar and started trying to explain to him that he should've been chanting and hitting his head on a book. He looked at me very quizzically and then I realized he doesn't speak much English at all. I thought if anything could transcend language barriers, it would be Monty Python. Oh well.
I met this guy on Tuesday at the Midnight Sun Brewery. He was telling me how great Alaska is because you can wear the same clothes day after day and no one cares. He also told me that he thought putting duct tape on his outfit would give him an edge and impress the judges with his "eye for detail." It didn't work.
All three of the winners were from Alaska, so that was an added source of local pride. The guy who took first, Jerem, was sitting next to us and I watched him and his friends heartily celebrate his win with about two trips to the bar every 30 minutes.

We now move on to the Sideburns category. Again, an impressive array of sideburns showed up, but there can be only one.Toot Joslin shows up in fine form. I noticed that with the heavy hitters in the category, they actually have such long sideburns that they take the ends of them and tuck them behind their ears, getting that nice full rounded look. Compare Toot here to Toot from the pre-judging, there's a vast difference.This was Warren's category, too and he went up looking very dapper. Later on that night, we shared beard horror stories and his included a friend of his zipping up his sweater straight into his facial locks. He lost quite a few long hairs that day, and quite a few tears.
This is Eric and we started talking at a bar where I told him he looks like he belongs in the Electric Mayhem. I then found out that he graduated from San Dimas High back in '91. There's something to put in the Alumni news, San Dimas High. Two graduates, 11 years apart, compete together in the World Beard and Moustache Championships. Stick that in your smudgepot and smoke it, Bonita.The legend of Toot remained supreme as he grabbed first place from Bruno from Italy.
Bruno (in the middle) didn't speak a word of English and was one of only two competitors from Italy. Notice how both Bruno and Toot's sideburns are nicely tucked behind the ears. I think I've stumbled onto the secret of world class sideburns. Start growing now, friends.

Freestyle Partial Beard. A good category with many different styles.
I'm not exactly sure what he was supposed to be, but someone said that his goatee was supposed to be a star. I can see it.This contestant took the title "partial beard" a little too literally. He was funny though and stood in profile and rotated back and forth while being judged. Here's the other delegate from Italy. He carried that horn around with him all weekend and I think I only heard him blow on it once. Unfortunately, I didn't get a good picture of the first place winner, but his goatee was styled very ornately. Almost clockwork with it's twists and turns. Very Willy Wonk-ish. Ha ha. Wonkish.

Now I know you're all bummed not to see my smiling face illuminated by a gold mining pan of my own, but brown paper is just as shiny in my mind.Next: Full Beard showdown.

Beards do Battle

2009-05-26T18:17:00.000-07:00

Saturday morning came all too early. I woke up and waxed the hell out of my stache and then got ready for the morning pre-judging, to see if you fit the category you plan on competing in. Lines and lines of nervous bearded men.There's Toot Joslin (Tim Tran's hero) pre-judging my stache.
And my number to be held during the judging; it felt so much like a dog show for grown men.

I went back and changed into my outfit and then we went over to the local market where they did a little beard presentation with the competitors. Then off to the Dena'ina Center to get our seats and for the competition to begin.American Gothic in the Living Classics Pageant. They allow a little nervous crying, but you can tell they don't like it.
This guy was super cool. Shaved "B" and an "E" on the right side of his face. Then made his goatee into an "A". Then shaved "R" and D" on the left side. For those of you who can't spell, it's BEARD.

They started with moustaches. First category: Natural Moustache.
Keith was in this category and for some reason he brought a fake mouse and was shaking it at people and later stabbed it with his knife. Here are the winners. Keith got second and one of the guys we met the prior night got third. The Dutch guy in the middle took first.

English moustache was next...
Sam got third place.
George Haskins got second place for the second year in a row.And Lutz from Germany got first. His stuffed bear has an English moustache as well, and is his good luck charm.

Then came the Imperial moustache category and Paul's turn to go up before the judges. This was a very competitive category.Alex went up and got all kinds of crazy. Dance moves and egging on the crowd abounded. He was working that outfit too.
This guy was a crowd favorite. Later on at a bar, the management wouldn't let him take his giant "dumbbell" inside, so he decided to stand out on the patio with the rest of us bearded ones and they gave him back his dumbbell. He then hoisted them high above his head and declared loudly "They gave me back my balls!"Paul was a bare knuckle boxer and had contemplated bloodying up his knuckles for effect, but decided against punching the sidewalk a bunch of times. These three won. I'm not sure of all their names, but all three were from L.A. so that was pretty good. Guy in the middle got first, guy on the left got second and he's part of the Bristly Chaps chapter of Beard Team USA. Alex got third and he's showing the camera his better side. When they were interviewing Alex on stage, he stopped what he was saying and said "I want to say this guy over here should've won. He has the best Imperial moustache out of all of us" and he was pointing at Paul. He said it over and over and Paul just kept turning more and more red. Later on, Alex told us that he thought that Paul had the best Imperial that was actually an Imperial while all these other guys were just trying to imitate a true Imperial... he also said if Paul could find a hacksaw before the night was over he would saw his third place Gold Plate in half and give half to him. We didn't find a hacksaw, but not for lack of looking.

Here are the Wild West Hungarian moustaches. How did they associate the wild West and Hungarians? I have no idea.
This is Nick. I talked to him for a while in the registration line at the picnic. He moved to Alaska a few years ago and hates it. As soon as he can get out he plans to. Also, up until a few months ago he had a full beard, but decided he had a better moustache. Nick took first and the guy next to him is Gunter from Germany and he won last time in Brighton, but was awarded second this year. The guy next to him is also German. When interviewed on stage what had inspired him to grow his moustache, Nick replied "I just hate to shave."

Next on the roster is the Dali. Devon (one of the twins) had planned to enter this category, but he wasn't allowed because the edges of the moustache are not allowed to go above your eyebrows, which his do exponentially.This is Max from Germany and he just couldn't help from schmoozing with just about everyone in the convention center once on the stage. He also won first prize in this category in Brighton. He just paraded around like a true gentleman.
This is Jeff and he and I talked for a while during the parade. This is his fourth World Beard and Moustache Championship and he even won third place in the Dali last time.
The guy on the left won third and said that he thought he was going to place last time, but didn't so he got so frustrated and shaved off his moustache and he just started growing it back a few months ago. Max took second and was elated. Tony from Germany won first place.

And finally (for the moustaches), the freestyle category.Here's Devon. You can't really tell from the picture, but he curled one half of his moustache to go under his lips and the other half to go above, kind of like a backwards S made of facial hair.
This is Keith Haubrich, aka Ghandi Jones. He styled up one side of his stache to be a fork and one side to be a spoon. I went to the restroom on the second floor (which they had closed off for contestants only for styling) before the competition and he was sitting on the counter with his legs up styling himself. He had a big jar of black stuff and some wax and he was telling the girl who must've been documenting him that he needed some scissors. Someone in a stall yelled out that he had some and slid them across the floor for him to use. We're all class at the World Beard and Moustache Championships.
Well Ghandi Jones got first and Devon got second. They were definitely the real standouts this year in the freestyle. Luk from Beglium got third and he just had really nice, defined, large curls.

That's it for the moustache competition. There's still partial beards and full beards to go. Sorry this is so slow, but there are so many pictures to choose from and the ones that do make it take a while to upload. Bear with me.

So two beards walk into a bar...

2009-05-25T16:03:00.000-07:00

Here are some more pictures from the Parade of Beards and the Welcome Party on Friday night.
The Welcome Party was at the Denai'nai Center and it was a rather nice place. Newly built and all shiny still. The patio had a spectacular view and, of course, there was lots of beer.
This is the scene during the local Mr. Fur Face competition. Basically an informal for fun contest based on certain facial hair colors and styles. They're all holding up their plaques. My friend Brian got best in the Red Fox category, but Bob won overall.
Alaska was made for the beer drinker. I finally found home. It embraces both of my hobbies: facial hair and beer.

After the Mr. Fur Face competition The Beards took the stage.

After the night wound down we found ourselves hitting up what had become our local bars and meeting new bearded people. That's Ian, Tim (both Kiwis), and Antony at a place called Subzero that gave us many a free drink and had a great Belgian beer selection. After hanging with these guys and Paul all week, people were asking where I was from when I'd talk to them because I had grown an accent.
And to finish the night early, a nice dark porter. After all, we had a big day to look forward to... so we went back at 2am.

Beards on Parade

2009-05-23T09:44:00.001-07:00

We woke up today and decided to eat lunch at a place called the White Spot and it was fantastic. Some of the best onion rings I've ever had.

So when there's something scheduled called the "Parade of Beards" how can that not be good? Well don't ask me because this thing was amazing. We all gathered out by the little log cabin visitor center and just kind of hung out. Everyone was dressed up and in good spirits.
Here's Nick from the other night. He shaved his head and joined a cult in that small amount of time.

This guy in particular was very cool. He's from San Francisco and keeps his beard wrapped in this wire thing pretty much all the time. He told me that if he took it out, his beard would probably be down to just about his ankles. In the parade he kept chanting "Beards not bombs."
Different beard and moustache clubs were represented and different country's flags were being waved all around.Paul met up with the rest of his Aussie brethren and they gave him a hat. Which he later gave to me.
And then we began to walk. People were coming out of the woodwork to see us just walking down the street. You could overheard them on their cell phones "Oh man. You have got to come downtown and hurry." There was tons of cheering. A couple people went on top of buildings to get a better view. I've never had my picture taken or been filmed so much. You couldn't ask for a better reception.

Back at the little log cabin, we heard some speeches from people like the Mayor, Bob the organizer, and some guy from the local news. Then a beard rap.

There was a small break in the action and Mom and I went back to the Snow Goose for a quick bite of Northern Exposure pizza and so that I could get my last pint of John Henry stout.
We then went to the Denai'ina Center and started to mingle at the welcome party. Again, serve beer and the beards will come. They had a fun local beard competition that they had pushed back so that the all-stars could join in. It's called Mr. Fur Face. Our friend Brian won the Red Fox category, but Bob the organizer took the whole thing. We saw more and more people and then a band called the Beards took the stage. They rocked out. All songs about beards with titles like "No Beard, No Good," "Beard Revolution," "Beards Don't Kill People, People With Beards Kill People" and more. Classic beard rock.

The party wound down and everyone went their separate ways. Our little group of friends (now 2 New Zealanders, a Brit, an Aussie, and me) went to our usual spot and had a few pints, but kept it relatively low-key since the big day was looming.

note: there's more to see from this day (some of the Beards videos and pics from the party), but we're pressed for time so expect more from this day soon.

The Beards Rest.

2009-05-22T14:51:00.000-07:00

Thursday was a free day and we used it to mostly just rest and laze around. We walked down to Oscar's for lunch.
I found out about it by talking to this guy in a bar on Wednesday named Adon. His dad owns it and he works there. He kept bragging about his tortas... with good reason. They were delicious.
A few walks around town, a quick nap, and we were back in business and eating dinner at the local Irish bar called McGinley's. Good traditional Irish music and a few pints of beer (Guinness anniversary and few Alaskan Ambers). I met up with Paul there and after McGinley's began our next leg of pub crawling. Found Antony and two New Zealanders, Tim and Ian, at another bar and just went from there. Nice relaxing day and the tension is rising for the upcoming "Parade of Beards" and actual competition.

When Beards Collide

2009-05-21T12:48:00.000-07:00

Wednesday began with another walk downtown to acquire some sort of small amount of food to tide us over before the welcome picnic for all the competitors. I got myself a reindeer sausage off a street vendor. Delicious.

We had a nice time around the city again and met some local eskimo people who had been drinking and, what looked like, doing a few other extracurriculars. They ended up being very nice and telling us about magpies and how to pet a moose (all you need is a lot of booze for yourself and a tree branch for the moose, it's that easy!) We began to mill around the Egan Center, where some buses were supposed to pick everyone up, and slowly but surely the beards began to converge. We must have looked like quite the motley crew, a bus full of beards and moustaches. Once at the park, we mostly just talked to people for the next four hours. Free beer and food would have been a large enough draw on their own, but add in world class facial hair and you know that everyone was going to be there. And here we go with the hairiest pictures known to man...

This guy with the orange (I can't really remember a lot of these names because we met so many people) is from New Orleans and I thought he was in some kind of costume since he had on the orange jacket and was wearing sweat pants tucked into his tube socks, all locked down with velcro shoes, but no. That's his everyday outfit.

This German guy, Fritz, was a real character. He didn't speak any English, but basically hammed it up with everyone and was just loving it. He won third place at last competition in the Gerabaldi category. All the Germans were there singing and dancing... it felt like being back in a Munich for just a few minutes.

This little guy was possibly the coolest, most Grandpa like person around. He even has a small little squeaky voice that just adds to his miner look.

Albert Einstein's real name is apparently Keith and he hails from Cumbria. We talked to him a lot as he was there on his own and didn't really know anyone. He's got a very charming accent and, apparently, is planning on wearing a kilt for the competition. Mom can't wait.

Once this guy got there the party really began. His name is Gerhard from Germany and won third place last time in the full beard freestyle category. He's on a lot of posters downtown. I saw his ring and it's a diamond studded gold thing with a tiny pair of scissors in the middle of the diamonds.
This guy with the leather jacket was tromping around when we first got there with his aviators on he always carried his dark leather briefcase like he was on a mission. I pegged him for CIA, but definitely not undercover as I think most would remember his stache. If you look closely at it, it's curled in a spiral and has about four loops.
This was a highlight for me. This here is Frazer Coppin from England. The current World Champion in my category, the musketeer. He's a super nice guy and one hell of a snazzy dresser. He gave me many tips about maintaining and how to style. Lots of hairspray, homemade wax concoction (part beeswax and part vasoline), and small women's hair straighteners. His moustache and goatee were done up so much, neither moved even when the wind picked up. As we were talking I couldn't help but watch the end of his goatee almost reach the beer in his cup, which he was holding at the same level in the picture.

Here are a pair of twins who are only 22 years old and have been growing for two years. Sam has the straight out one (English style) and Devin has his up in a Dali. They also had tips on how to make homemade wax and Sam told me that if you wax your stache up super tight, you can still work in a deli because the wax is a kind of facial hair net.

This is Xavier Marvel. His sister Daphne met my friend Andrea in Spain and they both talked about us. We just happened to be standing next to each other in line to get beer and I overheard him introduce himself to someone. Just another example of the small world of facial hair.

This is Alex Antebi and he's the reigning champion of the Imperial Moustache category. We talked for a little while and he complimented my stache. He was carrying around a purse the whole time. Paul and I met up with him at a bar later and one of the girl bartenders commented on his "man bag" and he said, "No honey. It's a purse." He ended up giving Paul lots of advice on his stache and groomed him a bit.
Here we have Nick. We only talked for a few minutes, but last year Nick decided to drop out of college and go to log cabin building school, which he just completed and now builds log cabins for a living and has never been happier. He's going to do freestyle on Saturday and wouldn't tell me what his outfit is, so it'll be interesting to see what turns out. He's got a lot to work with.
There were cameras and film crews everywhere and pictures were being taken willy-nilly. Paul and I got interviewed by this guy from New York.
It's been a lot of fun to be in a room of facial hair contemporaries and all-stars. The main guys are very serious about it, but have a lot of fun in the process. They're celebrities in this world and this is the Oscars. Walking around it was funny how much beer foam you saw sticking to staches and being licked off. Everyone had a great time and talked to everyone else, but you know in the back of their minds they're sizing up the competition at the same time. I have to say, I've never had more fun in a room with bearded people.

Super Beerds Bash Bros.

2009-05-20T14:26:00.001-07:00

Tuesday was the inevitable first gathering of the bearded competitors. But first! We once again roamed around downtown Anchorage and decided to stop and eat lunch at a place called Snow Goose Restaurant and Sleeping Lady Brewery. There I had a caribou burger (more or less a dry regular burger) and some fantastic brews.

Now I must make a note about the beer here. I had possibly the best beer of my recent life here. It was called John Henry Oatmeal Stout. After tasting it, I almost didn't want to keep drinking it just to preserve it for all time. I now know how the ancient Egyptians felt about their pharaohs. Here I was, a lowly pyramid building slave and I had found my ever-loving pharaoh that I wanted to mummify. At the brewery I also had two more beers called Fish-On! IPA and Braveheart Scottish Ale. Here they are in order of mentioning.

After lunch we wandered around once again and made our way home to compose ourselves for the first meeting of facial wonders. We met up with about eight of them and carpooled over to the Wildberry place that we perused on Monday. Apparently there was some kind of Chamber of Commerce meeting going on and they paraded us in as a promotional tool. I don't like being used, but they applauded us and gave us beer so I was satiated.

Next we went to the Midnight Sun Brewery (somewhat later than expected due to our beer stopover prior) for a tour (which we missed) and tasting.

The beer was delicious and I had several, but their best ones that I had were the Kodiak Brown Ale and the SonofaBerserker. I also had several higher content ones with names like Obliteration IV and Meltdown.

We mingled among the bearded folk and everyone was very congenial. Here's Neal from Alaska, who made me an honorary Alaskan, and Paul from Australia with the handlebar.

I talked to several people, but Ed here was a standout because he originally came from Arcadia and graduated high school in '66, but now lives up here. He also drives an old beat up orange BMW and is a rather haphazard driver. He reminds me of Randy Main.

It was good to meet the guys and find out where they're from and compare bearded tales of wonder and amazement.

Paul, Antony (from Scarborough UK), and I decided to do our own makeshift pub crawl around downtown and managed to hit up five different bars with the help of some locals. We lost Antony along the way, but I'm assuming he's alive.

Next, how much BBQ food can a collection of the world's finest beards get stuck in their facial hair.

Roll for the Beard to move South

2009-05-20T12:52:00.000-07:00

Monday.
We awoke rather early (my internal and external clocks are all awhack) and rented a car and headed down the uncomplicated Alaskan Highway 1 to Seward. The drive had breathtaking views of mountains looming over the mud flats.

We stopped along the way at Exit Glacier and it was amazing. It may be rapidly receding, but damn, that thing is still a great sight.

The drive down was pretty scenic and we made it to Seward in a matter of hours (stopping over to stretch, eat, etc.) Once in Seward there was not much to do that did not involve boating or killing animals so we wandered around and decided to have a quick bite to eat at Red's Food Wagon. A bus turned food joint.

Once we returned to Anchorage we went to the Alaska Wildberry Park and saw this chocolate waterfall that upon seeing Mom declared she would like to stick her head in it. I laughed it off, but ended up holding her back when she fell into a trance and started chanting "Kali Ma..."

After deciding not to have dinner there we went to a place called Gwennie's and had a good ol' family dinner with abundantly large portions. I had to try their Alaskan Beer sampler and enjoyed the Amber out of the three. It was here that I discovered that there's an Alaskan Stout that's only in a bottle. I was going to have it, but the food filled me to the brim.

We returned back to home base a bit tired from driving so much, but it was well worth it. And that, my friends, was Monday.

Biking with the Beard

2009-05-18T23:24:00.000-07:00

Hello True Believers!
I forgot to mention yesterday that the town is abuzz with beard lovers. These signs are posted all over and we've only gotten good reception and good luck from the locals.

Day two began and we had a leisurely stroll through the local weekend outdoor market where I partook in reindeer and elk chili. Delicious and yet, somewhat the same as regular chili.

Next was a bike ride along the Tony Knowles Coastal Trail. We rode for a while and saw Mt. McKinley off in the distance. Along the trail we saw this statue of a little girl farting a large rock. Classic.

Without much of a plan, we roamed around the streets of Anchorage and found several places for me to wet my whistle.

Finally, a little something for those of you who like to lord embarrassing things over me. This one's for you.

Spartacus goes North

2009-05-17T23:31:00.000-07:00

Hey Friends and Followers -
The plane trip to the Northern tip is made a-okay by my friend Jack Daniels.

We arrived and found the apartment we're staying at and quickly moved to downtown Anchorage, where we found the Glacier Brewing Company where I had a beautiful Oatmeal Stout and a Raspberry Blonde.

We've seen a bit of Anchorage in these two days and I'll post more later... especially of everything I've drunk and/or eaten. I actually meet people from the competition on Tuesday night, so don't expect much crazy beardness until then (despite my own). Au revoir mes amies! The North doesn't get dark until super late and I can't help but love a night life where there's no night. I now have a valid reason for wearing my shades at "night."